


How Did We

by swordemoji



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Feels, Canon Compliant, Domestic Fluff, Drinking, Emotional Hurt, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Force Bond (Star Wars), I wrote this in an hour, Language of Flowers, Songfic, Time Skips, Why Did I Write This?, honestly you can skip around, on a plane with my playlist on shuffle, the best chapters are last i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-18 17:58:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 3,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16521944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swordemoji/pseuds/swordemoji
Summary: A series of meaningless songfic drabbles that weave together a story.The galaxy is but a spectator in this catastrophic supernova.





	1. Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes by Jeremy Shayne

She stormed up to him. “I need to mend the lightsaber.”

 

He looked bored. “For what?”

 

“For- what do you mean for what? For use!”

 

“I highly doubt you could make it functional.”

 

She threw her hands up in frustration and turned away from him. “Of course you would think so!”

 

“Well, I’m not helping you.”

 

Now she looked furious. She marched back up to him and poked a finger at his vest. “We’re supposed to be equals! How can that happen if only one of us has a functioning lightsaber?”

 

“You don’t need a lightsaber, you need training,” he contested, with a little more emotion (anger) than he usually bothered showing.

 

“I had Luke!”

 

He rolled his eyes. “You had a week. I had years.”

 

“And I still defeated you!”

 

“And when was that?” He looked smug, and he could tell it was killing her.

 

“On Starkiller!”

 

“No... you most definitely did not. You simply scarred me.”

 

“I scarred you twice.”

 

“And that was, what, your third time using a lightsaber?”

 

“It was my first”

 

His eyes widened. “Impossible. That’s impossible.”

 

“And I still beat you.” The smug smile dissipated off his face and manifested on her.

 

“Looks like I’m not the one who needs training.” She started to flicker.

 

“It doesn’t change your lack of experience,” he called out. But she disappeared, taking his dignity with her.

 


	2. Only You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> only you by cheat codes

“I offered you the galaxy, you know.”

 _Oh, the nerve_. “Right, as long as I became another first order lackey.”

He looked hurt. “I offered to leave the first order.” _For you_ went unsaid, but they knew.

She froze. “You- you what?”

“I would have left if you came with me.”

“I- when did this happen?” She was flustered.

“In the throne room, after we defeated Snoke. I said forget the first order and the resistance. We could leave them.”

Here they were again.

She shook her head. “Ben, I cant just leave the resistance. not like this. without us, this isn’t a war. It’s genocide. You know Hux wouldn’t hesitate to destroy everything between him and your mother and all my friends,” she choked. “I could never let that happen."

"Rey why are you being so stubborn! We both saw a vision of us together. This is who we were meant to be!"

"That's why I insisted that you join me! You can help us make things right. I know there is conflict within you."

He scoffed. "Don't be naive, Rey. I would be killed on sight."

"I am not abandoning my principles and turning my back on the people I love, Ben! Why are you resisting the light?"

He froze. His face was resigned, but through the bond she felt his sorrow. He turned away. “That’s twice now I’ve offered you the galaxy.”

He disappeared from view before he could hear her whisper,

"I never wanted the galaxy."


	3. Hooked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hooked by Why Don't We

 

“You look like a porcupine.”

“What?”

“Your hair. It makes you look like a porcupine”

“What’s that?”

“A prickly rat”

She growled and turned away from him. Whatever, he’ll live. It was all he could think of ever since he first saw her on Takodana, and the opportunity to tell her couldn’t be passed. Not that he would admit it, but he felt awful for how he left their last conversation.

A few minutes passed by in silence.

“Their hair hardens into spines after birth. It makes them covered in quills- which is what their spines are called- for defense. They can shoot them out of their skin like arrows when threatened." He fell quiet again.

More silence. 

"It's not a bad idea," she admitted quietly, almost as if she didn't want him to hear.

"What's that?"

"Shooting spikes out of my hair" she smiled. "Imagine pulling those out in a fight. I could skewer some poor guy before he even gets his blaster out," she laughed. Secretly, she appreciated his attempt to diffuse the tension. It was more humanity than she thought he was capable of. But she was always good at waiting.

“I’d think it would be difficult keeping poisonous spikes in those knots,” he commented.

“You mean Rey buns.”

“I... what?”

“They have a name you know. They’re called Rey buns.”

"Who calls them that?" he deadpanned.

She scoffed incredulously. "Wha- I do! So does everyone else around the base. I'm the Jedi Rey with the buns in her hair. so they're called Rey buns."

He had no words.

Gradually he felt the energy shift around him, along with a slight tugging sensation.

“There, now you have one too.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen... porcupines aren't NOT canon... ergo........


	4. I'll Think of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'll Think Of You by Sam Tsui

 

The bond snapped open, but she seemed too preoccupied to notice. So he simply observed.

 

“You look like a princess Rey!” A chorus of agreement sung from the young girls. 

 

She blushed. “I’m afraid General Organa’s the princess, not me.”

  
“Besides, if she’s a princess it’d mean she’ll marry a prince!”

  
She laughed loudly (and rather obnoxiously), “Well it's a good thing I don’t fancy being a princess that badly.”

  
He’d be lying if he said that didn’t sting a little.

  
“Rey, have you ever been defeated in battle?”

  
“Well, er, I’ve had plenty of ties.” She seemed rather pensive, and he recalled their previous encounters as well. At least she accepted their grapple on Starkiller Base was a tie.  _Victories come slowly, I suppose._

  
“Tell us a story Rey!”

  
“About what, my battles?”

  
“Yeah! You and Finn are always so busy teaching fighting-“

 

“- and whenever we want someone to tell us a story everyone says to ask Commander Dameron-“

 

“- but his stories all sound the same! They’re not fun anymore.”

 

Rey burst into laughter. “Let me guess, how he heroically defeated a different First Order fleet with his wit and charm?” 

 

His nostrils flared. Who was this Dameron? The name struck a bell somehow. But Rey found him witty and charming?

  
“You’ve heard his stories too?”

  
“Oh, more times than I’ve wanted, loves.”

  
He made a mental note to look up this commander immediately.

  
The first child’s voice piped up again. “So you’ve never ever been defeated before?”

 

“Well I’m sure that’s not true, I just need to think about it for a bit. Why do you ask?”

 

Then he heard a sudden “Attack!” Out of no where, the girls pounced on Rey, and he could finally see them. At least five pairs of small hands began nestling into her hair as the group of girls began weaving flowers and forming braids. He admired their swiftness as they appeared to genuinely have caught Rey off guard. The children worked like a well oiled machine, which made him believe they had practiced this before. The thought almost made him smile.

 

When they backed off, he inhaled sharply. A series of blue and violet flowers formed a crown on her head, weaved into little braids. Rey tried gently fumbling through her hair but stopped when she realized the children had left their handiwork there.

 

The first voice saddled back up to Rey. A garish screeching sound, like metal on metal, followed her. “Take a look!”

 

“Wha- where did you get that hubcap fro-“ she stilled as soon as she saw her reflection. There was something in her eyes, he noticed. She blinked in awe of her reflection as though it were a stranger. As if she was not aware of her own beauty.

  
Still flustered, Rey turned to the girls. “I think I heard someone say lunch!” With those words the tiny resisters galloped away, or so he assumed, Rey’s eyes trailing them.

  
The air shifted, and she caught his gaze.

  
She paled before turning pink. “How long have you been standing there?”

  
“Why wouldn’t you marry a prince?”

  
She huffed and stormed away, but caught her reflection and stilled again. She began prying the flowers out of her hair.

  
“No, wait!” He exclaimed involuntarily. With certainty, he stepped towards her and plucked the only escaped bud out of her hand. Glancing at the petals, he immediately realized what they were and where they came from.

  
“Sunpetal” he said, holding her eyes as long as he could. He felt their connection slowly fading. “Keep them. They suit you.” She was gone before he could see her reaction.

  
And he was alone, save a flower.

 


	5. Fck Around & Fall In Luv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fck Around & Fall In Luv by Olivia Noelle

 

He was a despicable man. She couldn't look him in the eye, terrified of his atrocious crimes staring back at her.

 

Right.

 

That was why.

 

That was also why, she rationalized, her pulse thrummed louder in her chest. She was afraid of what he could do to her. If she wasn't careful she might give away their location. She might give away a lot.

 

It was only safe, of course, that she keep a significant distance between them. It was becoming harder to do that lately. He insisted on inching closer to her. he would always turn to her, roam his eyes across her face without thinking. These little things were imperceptible to him, everything to her. It was driving her absolutely mad. At this point, Finn began to ask her if she was feeling alright.

 

Obviously, she wasn't. But no reason to worry the poor boy.

 

Which was why, in hindsight, she really should have been more careful with that bottle of Corellian Whiskey Poe gave her. Something told her that he intended for it to be shared between them, but Rey did not exactly give a fuck about the commander right now. She lived alone in a desert her whole life. He would forgive her for not picking up social cues.

 

But honestly, she should have been careful. Her lowered inhibitions could have easily spilled their contractors. Because of course the bond would click after she downed half the bottle.

 

She muttered under her breath, "Oh force," as her ears popped and everything stilled.

 

He rushed over to her and she felt blood rushing out of her brain and into her cheeks. Her head spun as he caught her and gently, carefully, set her against her bed - his bed? She was too tired to feel repulsed by that thought.

 

Neither in the correct head space nor fully aware how close he was, she stuck her arms out and grasped his face. 

 

He completely froze at her touch.  _Who in the seven hells of Mustafar let her get this inebriated?_  When he first felt the telltale signs of the force connecting them, his anxiety spiked. He always felt this urge to impress her, or make her smile, or do something for her, or give her something. It was irritating. Until he turned and actually saw her in a state of foolishness and vulnerability. 

 

And then she touched him. For the first time since the moment across the fire pit when they saw into each other's souls. But this time, no force vision overtook them. No monumental galaxy-shattering revelation.

 

Hazel eyes bore into amber.

 

Maybe  _one_  galaxy-shattering revelation.


	6. Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talk by Salvatore Ganacci (this is a fucken great song)

 

She was drying her hair and getting ready for bed. As she let her guards down, she felt a snap and he appeared in front of her at the other end of her cot. Both of their eyes widened before she reddened and pulled the covers around her.

 

"Do you have to be here?"

 

"You know I cant control this!"

 

He was using anger to hide his other emotions. He had been about to go to sleep when a damp haired Rey in a flimsy shift appeared next to him. Yes, anger was always a good conciliatory emotion. They continued to stare at each other in rigid silence. After stifling the first few thoughts he had, he decided that she wouldn't ruin the few peaceful hours he had in a day.

 

"Just scoot over," he huffed.

 

"Wha-what are you doing?" Her flustered blush returned and he almost smirked.

 

"What does it look like? Now if you don't mind," He was about to turn away from her, but he couldn't pass up the opportunity to watch her squirm. Of course, this was all purely out of spite. So he shifted to face towards the middle of the bed and tried not to feel hurt when she appeared to shrink away.

 

"Well I do mind! I mind a lot!"

 

But his eyes were closed. "Not my problem."

 

"Ben Solo, you are an absolute imbecile, you know that?" She crossed her arms in complete exasperation. How dare he invade her privacy like this! She cannot be in bed with the enemy!  _oh_.

 

Now she understood the game he was playing. _Well._  She wasn't about to let him win. She flopped back down on the bed, hard enough to make it squeak. He flinched but remained unresponsive, yet she wasn't going to stop until she got a rise out of him. She had no idea how large his own bed was, but her cot had just enough room to turn on her side and face him. She sensed his breath hitch as they were both suddenly aware of the few inches between them.

 

"What are you doing," he whispered, eyes still closed.

 

"What does it look like?" she replied, throwing his words in his face with a coy smile.

 

"Careful, scavenger."

 

She pinched her brows at that name. "Don't play with fire if you don't want to get burned."

 

He leaned in, removing all space separating them.

 

"I'm not the one who cant take the heat," he whispered against her neck. He opened his eyes, half-lidded, but still enough to watch her turn red and hear her heartbeat, or maybe that was his. Their lips would meet if she tilted her head up just slightly.

 

So for some stupid, foolish reason, she did.


	7. Nobody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nobody by Hannah Trigwell

"Why do you call me Ben?"

 

"What do you mean? That's your name."

 

"I mean, why did you stop calling me Kylo?"

 

She sat up. "You're name's not Kylo. Why would I call you that?"

 

"Never mind."

 

She laid her head back down on the pillow next to his. "Listen to me. You are Kylo. Kylo Ren is forever a part of you. He isn't all of you, but he's there. I was wrong, back on the Supremacy, and before, to think I was meant to turn you. I wont try to change that or believe different anymore, because that's who you are." She shifted to look at him. "It's just not your name. Your name is ben."

 

He turned to face her, and she felt like a porg trapped in fog-lights. His eyes were a warm amber in the light as they stared at each other and she was melting. The force thrummed with an intensity that felt like it could snap any second, pulling everything in the galaxy apart as those two remained with their eyes locked.

 

The bond was wholly open, neither of them bothered hiding their thoughts and emotions. she could feel herself slipping deeper into the endless cavern that was him. but, as if he could feel her falling, he gently grabbed her cheek with his hand. And that string connecting them did not snap. It pulled them together.

 

They crashed into each other like the raging waves on Ach-To.


	8. Hearts On Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hearts On Fire by Gavin James

Her skin was still tingling from their last encounter. Her thoughts were fuzzy and she often zoned out, lost in her head.

 

"Rey? Did you hear me?"

 

"Oh, sorry Poe. Come again?" She could sense the worry from her friends without using the force. It was clear on their faces. There's no doubt they noticed her wayward behavior and isolationism these past few weeks. 

 

"Rey, I know we keep asking, but are you sure you're alright?"

 

"Yes, of course Finn," she dismissed him with a wave of her hand. "The Jedi texts are getting to me. Lightsaber repairs and all that." It no longer pained her to lie through her teeth.

 

"If you insist. Just know we're here if you need to talk." They resumed whatever conversation they were in and she went adrift.

 

Oh maker. She wanted so badly to believe that. But each time she thought of anyone figuring out the force bond, a wave of dread unfolded in the pit of her stomach. All her problems would dissipate if she became everything the Resistance needed her to be: a selfless Jedi hero. Instead she was in constant turmoil because of these secret... meetings with the enemy. Because he wasn't her enemy. That was the bones of the issue. He was their enemy, but not hers.

 

What was he then? Friend didn't seem right. They were past that. Lover was much too bold, yet too easy at the same time. It didn't fit. They were still on eggshells with each other. Nothing they did was defined or expected, and every night a surprise for them both. She hardly knew that man she was with. Which nights was it Ben Solo, and which nights Kylo Ren? The answer was always both and neither.

 

She felt a familiar tug, as if someone were pulling her ribs. "I'm going to retire. Goodnight guys."

 

A chorus of "night Rey"s looked upon her with concern, but she didn't care. Did that make her a bad friend, then? Choosing him over them? Maybe. But she would always choose him.

 

Soulmate, that's the word she was looking for. Despite everything, against all wishes, they were Soulmates, forever bound to each other whether the rest of the galaxy cared or not.


	9. Let's Hurt Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's Hurt Tonight by One Republic

She didn't know if she felt like doing this again. Every connection seemed to make her ache a little more. But she couldn't stay away from him, even if she tried. Well, literally. the force wanted them to be together almost as much as they did. But it was fine. She didn't want to stay away anyways. 

 

His thoughts mirrored hers, she knew. But he had much less control than her. The yearning was rooted in his eyes, so he did not hesitate to sweep her into his embrace when they connected every night.

 

It made her doubts disappear too, if only for a moment. The consistency in the bonds eased her. It also made her so,  _so_  afraid. He was a part of her routine, of who she was now, but it was fine. She couldn't imagine it any other way. That scared her too.

 

He stopped asking her if she was alright. He knew the answer. He didn't ask her how her day was either. It probably involved taking him down. She didn't ask him, because his response was the same. They didn't talk about family. Neither of them were ready for that. They couldn't talk about the past. It hurt too much, usually ending in pity or remorse or some other unwanted emotion. And there was nothing to say about the future. They didn't know if there could be one. But no future is not as frightening as hope there could be one, some day.

 

It petrified them both. 

 

So more often than not, they stayed in silence, entwined as they fell asleep. 


	10. Two Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two Pieces by Demi Lovato

 

It tore his heart, ripped it into pieces, seeing her like this.

 

He knew it was his fault. She only felt this remorseful because she wanted him next to her. It hollowed out her eyes and sunk her cheekbones and dulled her freckles. She was so very sad, all because the foolish man she cares about couldn't leave his prison.

 

A small part of him wished she never had to know him, so she could live out her days in ignorant bliss with the resistance, only seeing him as a tyrannical figurehead. Rey was cursed to know him.

 

She finally noticed him there and sat up a little on her bed. He took this as an invitation to go to her, and wrapped his arms around her already huddled figure. It made him curse himself, how she shrunk herself smaller and smaller, folding in on herself, not wanting to take up space in the world.

 

She became conflicted too, now that she knew him. He should have spared her the pain and run his lightsaber in himself instead of Han. All he wanted was one person in his life who wouldn't leave him, but he destroys everything he touches. Crushes them from the inside out.

 

But if she's going to wither away from existence, then so is he. He tucked his chin and arms and his whole self into every empty space, nook and cranny, she had. They lay like this, fit together like two pieces of a broken heart, until the connection ended.


	11. This Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This Town by Kygo

Her smile reached her voice. “There’s no way.”

“It’s true. I’ve decided.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“I’ll tell the whole galaxy.”

“Go ahead then.”

The bond flickered.

He turned towards her, dangerously close, seconds away from disappearing, and whispered,

“I renounce my throne.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know. i might still do the august angst challenge. i know its november but time is a human construed concept anyways right


	12. Glow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glow by Gavin James (the song that inspired this all) (also the first chapter I wrote)

She warily stepped out of the fighter jet she stole from the resistance. Every ounce of sensibility left in her after these secretive months told her to get back in and fly away immediately. Back to her friends, back to safety, back to where she belongs.

 

No, that wasn't right. She didn't belong there. She didn't belong anywhere he wasn't.

 

Her thoughts were tumultuous, anxious. Neither of them knew what would happen next, but he was coming. That much she knew. They were done abandoning each other. Minutes passed, or maybe seconds. Perhaps even hours. She couldn't tell.

 

A jet black TIE-fighter entered atmo above her, and every muscle in her seized except for her heart. It landed some distance away, farther than she wanted it to be. She could already sense his presence on this rendezvous planet, fiery and loud and aching and ready for her.

 

Before she realized what she was doing, her legs sprinted towards him. As soon as the spacecraft landed, he tumbled out and began running to her as well. They stopped just before crashing into each other, a few feet apart.

 

Not even one minute did she hesitate jumping into his arms as he held onto her tightly, swearing to never again let her go.


	13. Epilogue: How Did We

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Did We by Skylar Stecker

She was standing atop of the mountain which overlooked the academy. Her checkered grey shawl fluttered around her shoulders helplessly in the frigid morning air. No amount of wrapping and re-wrapping could secure that kriffing scarf.

 

She heard a grumbling noise behind her and smiled. "Stupid dust and these stupid rocks..." She didn't even need to turn and face him. He climbed up the rugged path of the mountain and stood behind her.

 

"Is that caf I smell?"

 

"Right pocket."

 

She pulled a flask from under his warm black cowl and pressed it to her cheek.

 

"You're cold." He grabbed the ends of his cowl and wrapped his arms around her, covering her with its warmth. "And unprepared as usual. I don't suppose you ate breakfast?"

 

He could sense her rolling her eyes. "What are you gonna do about it?"

 

"Left pocket."

 

She fumbled before grabbing a nutrient bar.

 

"Wait," she muttered while chewing, "Why is the caf in a flask? It's too early in the morning for this. Did you not see any other bottles lying around?"

 

"I thought you'd be more persuaded to drink it if you thought it was alcohol."

 

She finally looked up to face him and scoffed. "Kark off. I haven't been drunk since- oh," she recalled one of their early force bonds. "Well that was five years ago! We were idiots five years ago."

 

"Yeah." He rested his chin atop her head and closed his eyes. It was still difficult for him to wake up every morning and believe the life he was living. The one he created for himself. The one he built from the ground up without family legacies and manipulative dictators carving his path. Only her.

 

He silently thanked every star in the galaxy. It was a miracle how far they'd come.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey babes! this entire thing is sort of... me, a playlist, and a plane ride. that being said, i have actual real content that sort of picks up where this leaves off (and is more plot-centric) which is much longer but not complete. i never dreamed of posting anything like, ever, but if there's a demand... i can probably supply. comments and kudos feed me! ily if you've made it here :)


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